Four pee sticks and a visit to the doctor later and I was certainly sure I am pregnant. I shared the news with Greg by leaving the pregnancy test on the bathtub ledge for him to see when he comes home from work. Train’s Marry Me was softly playing on the background – totally unintentional, I was working in the kitchen with Spotify on radio mode – when Greg came out from the bathroom and hugged me.

I had to ask if we’re ready. To which he replied, “as ready as we can ever be”. "Is it a good time?", I fired next. Still hugging me he answered, “now’s a good time as any”.

Following that tender moment were days filled with soreness, nausea, hypersensitivity, and exhaustion. I was sleepy all throughout the day and couldn’t stand the smell of onion and bell pepper. Cigarette smoke was also a trigger for me. I would quietly curse each smoker passing me by as I try to survive holding my breath in the seconds-long sprint away from them. A slight whiff of the smoke and it gets my insides upside down marking another wave of nausea. Suffice to say, it wasn’t fun at all. But it wasn’t debilitating either.

I have read of instances where women lose appetite and suffer from a condition where they can’t hold anything down. I can only imagine how tough it must be for them to go through it in their first trimester or worse throughout their entire pregnancy.

Among the other changes, Greg also started smelling differently to me. His scent reeked of those big black ants I used to squeeze back in the province when I was a child. I also found it unsettling how I could sense his stress or tiredness with a kiss. “You taste incredibly stressed”, I would quip. And often, I would be right about how packed his day had been.

On our first visit to the Frauenarzt, a personable doctor recommended by a Filipina friend, they performed a check on my vitals, drew blood, and interviewed me about me and my family’s medical history. The results of the test will be reflected on my Mutterpass (mother’s ID) and blood profile card which I would receive on the next visit. These items would have all the necessary information about me and my pregnancy serving as an effective tracker and reference. I only had to show my health card during the visit, hence no cash payment, since I am attached to Greg’s health insurance.

It must be strange having used four pee sticks almost every week to check for pregnancy but I couldn’t believe the two lines. Sometimes I’d worry that the small clot of life is gone. So, when I finally secured our Termin (appointment) I couldn’t help but feel anxious as the day grew closer. If not for the doctor being in the same room, I wouldn’t have fought the tears welling up my eyes when I saw the little bean with a fiercely glowing heart on the monitor. It was all the confirmation I needed to say for sure that we’re soon going to be a family.

Stork & Baby Image